Sister with 1-year-old insists on moving in with her brother and his wife, insists they pay the lion's share of the $1800 rent

Would you split the rent unevenly just to help out a family member?

You're a nice person. You help people out when you can, especially people you care about. It makes you feel good to know that you can assist someone through the difficult journey that is life, and know that they would likely do the same for you in a pinch. Sometimes life comes at you hard, and you hope you can rely on the people around you to help you get through it. You never know when you're going to end up down and out, so you surround yourself with people whom you trust. We all know that the tides of fate are ever-shifting, and that you might end up on the wrong end of a bad deal. Sometimes you need a little more help than others. Family is supposed to be there for you in those moments. 

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  • A couple stands in the background while a man is on his phone in the foreground
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I in the wrong for not helping my sister in law and her baby with rent?

    So me and my partner pay 1450 a month on rent and we split it evenly. Its fair, and we are doing our own thing. Recently her sister who has a husband and a 1 year old child is losing their housing because the friend they were staying with is moving and they cant afford the rent by themselves.
    via Sirfluffyton96
  • They want to move in with us and since our apartment is a 1 bedroom we would have to get a 2 bedroom apartment. The rent will increase from 1450 to 1800 a month. I am insisting that the 4 of us each pay 25% of the rent, but the mother of the child doesnt think its fair because she doesnt work and has a child and her husband is the only working parent so they want me, my partner, and her sisters husband to pay 1/3 each instead.
    via Sirfluffyton96
  • I told her thats not my problem and that they, as a couple, are responsible for $900 a month between the both of them, if she needs money, get a job. The couple seem to think that because shes a SAHM thats somehow my responsibility to pay for her portion of rent. I dont have kids and im sure its stressful and costly but I dont feel like its fair to expect anything like that of me.
    via Sirfluffyton96
  • TLDR; I was told its unfair of me to expect my sister in law, who is a SAHM to pay her portion of rent, while living with us.
    via Sirfluffyton96

  • But there is a line between helping out family and getting taken advantage of by them. You want to be there for your people, but you also need to look out for yourself. You would hate to end up in a situation where you wind up worse off just because you tried to make someone else's life easier. You have to make sure your needs are being met before you can help someone else. Your living situation is a huge part of that. If you can't be comfortable in your own home, then where are you going to unwind?

    The couple in this story was going through some family drama when it came to finding a new apartment. They had some family members who needed a little bit of support, and they weren't afraid to ask for it. And the couple was willing to help, but they sure as heck weren't going to do more than they were comfortable with. So they got into a sticky situation where they wanted to protect their peace while also helping out some folks who needed it. Unsure what to do next, they reached out to the internet. Keep scrolling to read the full story.

  • Commenters gave their strong opinions and reactions.

    Jenny2469 Nope don't do it. If they want to share a home they need to split the expenses. If anything they should pay more because they are 3 to your 2. Seeing as they aren't happy with a 25% I'd worry that once you've signed a lease and have bills they with shirk their portion and have you pay the difference.
    via Jenny2469
  • Jane_Smith_Re... NTA. Stay in your 1 bedroom apartment; you are NOT responsible for subsiding her decision to be a SAHM. And do not believe them when they say: let's move into the bigger apartment and she will find a job, that will not happen and you will end up paying for her part of rent, groceries, utilities, etc., etc., etc.
    via Jane_Smith_Reddit
  • Two sets of couples share the same living space
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • frankduxvanda... NTA. Also, two couples, one with a baby, living together in a 2 bedroom apartment? Sounds like a nightmare.
    via frankduxvandamme
  • Right-Today4396 So you realize you will be the free childcare, right? And you will be paying for that "privilege"
    via Right-Today4396
  • NotTheMama42... NTA. If you let them move in they will not only not help with rent but they will never move out. DO NOT LET THEM MOVE IN.
    via NotTheMama4208
  • akasalishsea Why are you even considering allowing them to live with you? Is it a cultural expectation to rescue relatives when they refuse to work? Being a SAHM is a choice we do not expect others to financially support unless that agreement is made between the parents.
    via akasalishsea
  • If this is a cultural expectation you might want to examine it from a different perspective, including the culture you wish to live in which may not include old ways of doing. things. Most of us grew up with cultural expectations but that does not mean they were correct for us as humans. Do not have babies
    via akasalishsea
  • one cannot afford is only applicable if one lives in a country where women have choices over maternity. I don't know what type of culture you live in so it is difficult to address the psychological side of things. with regards to your SIL's expectations.
    via akasalishsea
  • My concern is you and your partner making this immense sacrifice because of their desires and needs, a sacrifice that will change your lives more than likely for the negative in every way. I don't say this lightly, I say this because SIS is already proving to be an unfair and difficult person by
    via akasalishsea
  • insisting they not pay half the rent if you do make the sacrifice. Why do they not have a savings account? Is that because she does not work? Does she lack job skills that will allow her to make more than what childcare cost? If so, then they need to find another roommate situation they can afford.
    via akasalishsea
  • You are being bu ed by whomever is telling you you were unfair to expect them to pay the full half. have them take them in. ha! Ha! But seriously, that is a dirty low down response to your fair take on things and I am hoping it is not your partner who told you this. If it was I would seriously consider counseling because is an incredibly low down thing to say to you.
    via akasalishsea
  • If anything, they should pay more rent as a child uses a lot of resources in terms of utilities for bathing, cleaning all their messes up, etc. I expect this SIS has entitlement attitude which means she will also not do her fair share of any household chores, citing
    via akasalishsea
  • being a SAHM as the reason for her exhaustion. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED not to do this by others so please don't take that lightly. Let us know what happens.
    via akasalishsea
  • Buddha176 NTA for this YTA for even considering this SO is also TA for entertaining this idea and not having your back.
    via Buddha176
  • Immediate Ad4... They are married so the husband of the SAHM is responsible for his family, you shouldn't pick up the tab because she does not work. 50/50, they're looking for welfare and trust there will be more kids because of your cushion. Why is she even in the conversation she is being manipulative because she is the sister. What is your partner saying?
    via Immediate_Ad4404
  • robynxcakes I would not do this for any money you will get stuck with them along advantage of you and helping with the baby
    via robynxcakes
  • Automatic_Rang... What about paying her for cooking, cleaning and laundry if she is a SAHM then she can put that towards their HALF of the rent and bills. Though I would rethink the whole thing if she is already this entitled
    via Automatic_Ranger_102
  • cassowary32 NTA. If it's now a 2 bedroom, they should be responsible for half the rent. They'd probably even want the master bedroom since there's three of them. The only reason to split in 3 is if you are getting benefits from having a SAHP. Maybe a 30/30/40 split if you are feeling generous. Will she be responsible for the cooking and cleaning?
    via cassowary32
  • What you are getting is less space, increased utilities and the clutter and volume that comes with living with a small child.
    via cassowary32
  • Mammoth-Ad61... So she thinks 2 people should pay 1200 while 3 people pay 600? That's insane.
    via Mammoth-Ad6145

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